Grief & Grace: 💔 When the Holidays Hurt: Finding Grace in the Missing

Love doesn’t leave us, even when the holidays feel empty. Finding ways to honor them keeps their spirit close.

The holidays can feel like salt in an already tender wound. Everywhere you look, there are reminders of what once was — the smell of pine, the sound of carols, the twinkle of lights. The world is wrapped in celebration while your heart quietly aches.

Our first Christmas without Russ and Ariel, I decided there would be no tree. I couldn’t bear to decorate or pretend that anything about the season felt the same. We spent the night at my in-laws instead so we could all wake up together. In truth, I think I

did it because we all felt broken — and misery, as they say, loves company.

I couldn’t imagine staying with other family or friends and watching them wake up to the joy of Christmas morning. The laughter, the wrapping paper, the warmth — all of it would have been too much. So, I hid in the only way I knew how. I needed it to be different because nothing about life felt familiar anymore.

Grief can make you isolate — not because you don’t love others, but because the weight of pretending you’re okay feels unbearable. The holidays magnify that ache. You look around and see the world moving forward, and you’re still standing in the shadow of what was.

But I’ve learned over time that grief doesn’t mean we have to close the door to joy forever. The heart can hold both sorrow and light — both the pain of missing and the love that never leaves. You don’t have to celebrate the way you used to, and you don’t have to push yourself into things that hurt. Sometimes, honoring your grief is the tradition.

Maybe it’s lighting a candle in their honor. Maybe it’s writing them a letter, hanging one special ornament, or simply sitting quietly for a few moments and letting yourself feel it all — the love, the ache, the gratitude, the longing.

That’s where grace lives — not in the perfect celebration, but in the quiet courage of continuing to love through the missing.

✨ Reflection The holidays will never be the same — and that’s okay. But love has a way of reshaping itself, finding new corners to live in. What small way could you honor your loved one this season that feels gentle, real, and true to your heart?

🕯 Journal Prompt What emotions come up for you around the holidays? Which traditions feel comforting, and which feel too heavy to hold right now?

🌲 Simple Practice Light a candle in their honor on the night before your holiday celebration. As it burns, speak their name and one memory you’re grateful for. Let the flame remind you: love is not bound by time or space — it lives wherever you carry it.

Even in the quiet of loss, love remains. The holidays can feel heavier without the presence of those we hold dear, yet their memory can be a light that warms us through the season. Finding ways to honor them—through small rituals, sharing stories, or tending to a garden in their memory—can help keep their spirit close.

If you’d like a little guidance on navigating these moments, the Grief & Grace workbooks offer gentle exercises, reflections, and prompts to help you process your feelings and find moments of peace. And when you feel ready for more personal support, my one-on-one sessions are here to walk with you through your grief, offering understanding, comfort, and compassionate guidance.

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