Grief & Grace: Through the Eyes of a Child
- Sherrie Andrews-Heavey
- Sep 24
- 4 min read
The other night, I was rereading some of the journals I kept in the days and months after Russ and Ariel’s passing. I’ve written in journals for many years, and flipping back through them always feels like opening a doorway to another time. Some entries make me cry, some bring me comfort, and some remind me of things I had forgotten but still needed to hear.
One entry from September 28th, 1999 stopped me in my tracks. Sonja and I had gone to my dear friend Karen’s house for what we called a “picture party.” We each brought 6–8 photos and created scrapbook pages. Sonja chose to do one of Dipstick, her dog, while I worked on a page from our last family trip to New Hampshire in 1998 and added photos from 1999 when we spread Russ and Ariel’s ashes at Mt. Chocorua.
We got home around 9:45. I tucked Sonja into bed, kissed her goodnight, and turned out the light. Just a few minutes later she came into my room pale and shaken, tears in her eyes. She told me Daddy was in her room. He told her he loved her, that he would always be in her heart, and that she needed to get it out—meaning she needed to cry.
Through her tears, Sonja told me she asked her Daddy if he could send Ariel tomorrow night so she could visit with her too. The innocence and trust in that request broke my heart wide open. It was a reminder that love remains a bridge, even between worlds.
I let her sit with me and draw a picture to express what she was feeling. She drew herself with Russ, right there in her room. That moment was both heartbreaking and beautiful. Reading it back now, I realize what a gift it was—and what a gift it is to have these journals. They are threads that still connect us, giving me answers and comfort even decades later.
One thing I’ve come to understand is that children are resilient, and they are closer to the veil than we are. They haven’t been told they can’t see spirit—so they simply do. They see with their hearts more than their eyes.
But I’ll be honest—there’s one memory I carry with regret. We were driving home one day, and Sonja suddenly screamed, “Stop Mommy, stop! Daddy’s in the road, you’re going to hit him!” I looked at her, then kept driving, and explained that Daddy wasn’t really in the road, that he had passed away. I thought I was helping her understand. But from that day on, she never had another visit—at least, not that she could see.
Looking back, I wish I had chosen different words. I wish I had encouraged her to keep that connection open. But there’s no handbook for grief. We do the best we can with what we know in the moment.
Still, I believe those visits were real. They were spirit reaching through to comfort a child who needed her Daddy. And they remind me now that children have a wisdom we sometimes forget—that love continues, that spirit stays close, and that the heart can see what the eyes cannot.
Sometimes, the greatest teachers in grief are our children.
Closing Reflection
Grief will always leave us with what-ifs, but it also leaves us with moments of unexpected grace. Sometimes, when we are not looking, Spirit places someone—or some moment—in our path to remind us that love doesn’t end. For Sonja, that came through visits and drawings. For me, it comes through the words I write today.
If you find yourself longing for connection, know that you are not alone on this path. Grief is heavy, but within it, grace still flickers.
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